i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
