She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
