He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
