He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
