WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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