i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
