So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
