i would punch a child for taco bell
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
