Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
