Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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