sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
