question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
