Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
