Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
