i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
