just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
