omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
