sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
