nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
