Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
