new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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