Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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