oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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