Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
