I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
