just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize