You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize