if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
