Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
