so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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