Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
