i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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