Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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