Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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