it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
