I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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