I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
