this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
