Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
