that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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