I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
