nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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