She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
