so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
