i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
