he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
