so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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