i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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