I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
