I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
