I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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