She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
