I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have fence marks all over my body
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
