I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
