I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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