Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have post one night stand depression
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
