What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize