RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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