even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
