Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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