I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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