My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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