allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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