I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
