i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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