she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
