I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
