Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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