if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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