So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
