She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
