I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize