Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
