Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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