I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
