I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
