hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
