i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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