I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize