Me too!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
