idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
