apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
