I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's the barista slut.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
