im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
