you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Randomize
