i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
