I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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