You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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