I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
