i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize