My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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