Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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