I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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