Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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