My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
