Can Purell be used as lube?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
