My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
